Thursday, September 22, 2005 - hello lupron

I got my first shot of lupron today. It's 2 days after my 37th birthday. I'm not feeling too badly about being 37 today which is strange for me. I am usually quite depressed after my birthday. The lupron needle cost $377! This is just the first shot of 3. Thank God for benefits, though I have to pay up front and get 90% of my money back later. I was so nervous before the shot. I found a bottle of Ativan (anxiety pill) that my friend had left in my bathroom, and I took one before going up to see my doctor. I was a little bit out of it by the time I saw her, but pretty relaxed until the nurse led me into the examination room and closed the door. Then, I started to pray, bless myself and repent of my sins. My doctor is fantastic. She is so matter-of-fact and to the point. She just said upon seeing my nervousness, "This is no big deal. People tell me that I'm good at this." And you know, I believed her. She was totally right. I pulled down my jeans a little, bent over and she told me to suck in my breath, and then the needle was finished. I didn't even feel a pin prick! The last time I got a needle in my butt, about 5 nurses and my mother had to hold me down, so this was nothing short of a miracle! My doctor says that I won't feel any effects from the lupron for at least 10 days, and then I may start experiencing side-effects. I'll probably have hot flashes. She doesn't know that I've been obsessing on the internet, reading all kinds of patient message boards written by women who have been on lupron. The overwhelming message on these boards is "Don't ever try this drug! It ruined my life! Run!" I am so scared, but the pain from these fibroids is unbearable. I can't live like this anymore. I just hope that the side-effects from the lupron don't make me regret my decision to go ahead with the lupron and the surgery. I've also been doing research on natural methods for dealing with menopause. So far, I haven't found much useful, but I may go to a health food store and talk to someone or go to my sister's Chinese herbalist and acupuncturist. She's been through fibroid surgery twice, so I can learn a lot from her. We set my surgery date today. It's Monday, December 12.